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Becoming parents with the help of donor sperm
Starting a family can be one of the most fulfilling experiences a couple can have together. But for many couples, the journey is tougher than they expected. It is estimated that around one in six heterosexual couples experience fertility issues, and in about one-third of cases, it is due to male infertility.
For many heterosexual couples facing challenges in conceiving, whether it’s due to poor sperm mobility, low sperm count or other factors, sperm donation opens the door to parenthood that might otherwise remain closed.
We have gathered all the information you need to get a clear overview of what you can expect if you are considering having fertility treatment with donor sperm.
Understanding treatment types for sperm donation
Part of the process of using a sperm donor is finding what type of treatment you should undergo. The two main methods are intrauterine insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilisation (IVF). Each has pros and cons, and a fertility check will determine which treatment you need.
Intrauterine insemination (IUI)
IUI is a procedure in which sperm are placed directly into the uterus around the time of ovulation, increasing the chance of fertilisation by bringing the sperm closer to the egg. It's less invasive and simpler than IVF, making it a first-line treatment for many couples.
Pros
IUI is a less invasive procedure than IVF and is associated with a minimum of discomfort.
The cost of IUI is significantly lower than IVF. This makes it a more accessible option for many couples.
The IUI process is quicker. It often requires only a short period of hormone treatment, followed by the actual insemination process.
Cons
IUI generally has a lower success rate than IVF. This is especially true if the woman has fertility issues.
There's a slightly increased chance of multiple pregnancies because more than one egg may be fertilised.
Because IUI relies on the natural journey of the sperm to the egg, there is less control over the fertilisation process.
In vitro fertilisation (IVF)
In IVF, eggs are retrieved and fertilised with sperm in a laboratory. The embryos are then transferred into the womb. IVF is a more complex process and involves more steps than IUI, but it offers a higher rate of success for many with fertility issues.
Pros
IVF tends to have higher success rates. This is especially true for couples with certain types of infertility.
The risk of multiple pregnancies can be reduced by controlling the number of embryos transferred.
Cons
IVF is a slightly more invasive procedure, as a thin needle will retrieve eggs from the ovaries. However, you will be offered mild sedation to minismise discomfort.
The cost of IVF is higher than IUI. This is due to the complexity of the procedure and the technology used.
The IVF process can be more emotionally and physically demanding, as it often involves more medication, more procedures and takes a longer time to complete from start to finish.
How do you communicate about sperm donation as a couple?
Choosing to use a sperm donor calls for open dialogue and respect for each other's feelings and views. There may also be questions from the outside world that can spark conversations about sperm donation. Here are a few tips for fostering constructive discussions and addressing sensitive issues together.
Create a supportive environment: Begin the conversation in a private, comfortable setting where both partners feel safe to express their thoughts and feelings without judgement.
Educate yourselves: Research the process of sperm donation together, including the medical procedures, legal aspects and emotional considerations.
Express your feelings openly: Encourage each other to share personal fears, hopes and concerns about using a sperm donor. Acknowledge that it's normal to have mixed feelings and that support from each other is crucial.
Learn to accept your differences: Accept that you might not process the journey at the same pace. Maybe it takes longer for one of you to make peace with needing a sperm donor, and that’s OK.
Make sure you make the right decision: Be sure that you both are fully onboard with the decision. Seek professional help from a therapist to work through difficult emotions.
Affirm the role of love and commitment: Affirm that being a 'real' parent is about the love, care and commitment one brings to a child's life. Read Kristoffer's heartfelt journey to redefine fatherhood.
Build a support network: Surround yourself with friends, family and communities who respect and support your journey. Connecting with other families who have gone through sperm donation can also provide comfort.
Communicate with your child: Prepare for future conversations with your child about their origins. Open, age-appropriate communication can strengthen your family bond. Read the guide on how to tell your child that he or she was conceived with the help of a donor.
There is the genetic father, and then there is the father who is responsible for caring for the child. You are much more of a father if you are the one who is there every day.
Choosing the right donor during fertility treatment
There are several factors to consider when choosing a sperm donor. These range from the donor’s educational background to personality and appearance. However, you may also be concerned about the donor’s health. All our donors at European Sperm Bank go through an extensive screening process and only 5-7% of applicants qualify to be a donor.
Why is donor screening important?
The screening process is designed to ensure the health and safety of you and your family. That's the reason why our donors undergo several health checks to ensure the best possible conditions for you to start your family.
Becoming a sperm donor at European Sperm Bank can take 3 to 6 months. All donor candidates go through a thorough screening process and only 5-7% of applicants are approved to become donors.
Visual donor comparison
Many couples have considered the appearance of the child when using a sperm donor. For some, it is important that the sperm donor looks like one of the parents. When you create a free account with European Sperm Bank, you can get an idea of what the donor looks like. In addition to descriptions of the donor's physical characteristics, you can also use Photo Match. This can make the process of choosing a donor easier.
Photo Match is a free tool that compares your facial features and finds similarities with images of our donors. These images are of the donors as adults and are not available to the public.
Legal considerations and rights
When you use a sperm donor to create a family, there may be questions about your rights and the role of the donor. The aspiring father in the relationship will be the legal father of the child, and the donor has no rights nor obligations to the child.
There are two types of donors: ID release and No ID release. With an ID release donor, your child has the possibility to learn the identity of the donor, when it reaches legal age. Please note that most countries only allow one type of donor, and some allow both, in which case it's up to you to decide what is right for your child and family.
FAQ and information for heterosexual couples experiencing infertility
Many questions arise when considering sperm donation. We've put together some of the most common questions asked by heterosexual couples, and if you want to know even more, you can visit our extensive FAQ section.
Yes, both partners can be recognised as legal parents.
Decide together what information you're comfortable sharing and prepare responses that reflect your values and the love that led you to this decision. Remember that you are under no obligation to share more than you want to. However, we recommend being as open as you feel comfortable with to help normalise your family and so that your child will not feel that it's a secret that it should be ashamed of.
Emotional preparation includes open communication between partners, setting realistic expectations, seeking support from professionals or support groups, and focusing on the ultimate goal of building your family. Acknowledging and sharing your feelings throughout the process can strengthen your relationship and provide a solid foundation for your future family.
Next steps in the journey to parenthood
If you want to learn more about having a family with the help of donor sperm, here are a few things you can do:
