Am I ready to be a single mother by choice? Ask yourself these 6 questions
Deciding to become a mother is a life-changing decision. It’s a deeply personal journey and it is a good idea to take the time to reflect on your emotional, physical and practical readiness before taking this empowering step.
Lotte Sørensen
There’s no "perfect" checklist for knowing whether you’re ready, and it’s normal to feel uncertain at times. The key is to approach each aspect with honesty and self-compassion, understanding that it’s OK if not every question has a neat, immediate answer.
As you begin to explore your options, consider these six important questions to guide your decision-making process.
1. Why do I want a child?
Start by reflecting on the personal reasons behind your desire to become a parent. Some have always known they wanted to be mothers. For others, it’s a desire that has developed over time.
Some feel that motherhood is expected of them. If that is the case for you, consider whether you would want to have a child if there was no societal pressure.
It is also important to check in with yourself. How is your mental well-being? Going through hard times doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have a child - but it does mean that you need to take care of yourself, as a child won’t make your problems disappear. It’s OK to seek support. Whether through therapy, conversations with loved ones or speaking to our client care specialists, who know what you are going through, help is always available.
2. Do I know my fertility status?
Knowing the state of your fertility is a relevant step in planning for solo motherhood, but it’s not something to fear. It’s simply a matter of being informed and well-prepared for the journey ahead. Having a doctor assess your fertility gives you a clearer sense of your options and timing, allowing you to make decisions that align with your goals.
3. Am I financially prepared?
Raising a child involves both direct and indirect costs, and as a future solo mum, you are the only one to shoulder that burden. From fertility treatment to everyday essentials to larger long-term expenses like housing, it’s important to assess your financial situation. Think of it as an investment in the life you wish to build.
You don’t have to have a high income and a lot of money in savings - you just need to get real about your income and expenses and plan accordingly. The focus is on long-term stability, not immediate perfection.
You can read more about financial considerations and the grants available for solo mums here.
4. Who will be involved in my child’s life?
Support is vital in any parenting journey, especially when considering solo motherhood. Whether through family, close friends or a wider community, it’s important to think about who will be there to offer emotional and practical help. It’s a good idea to talk to the people you want in your child’s life about how they see their involvement.
If your family structure differs from the traditional, know that meaningful support can come in many forms and that you are not alone in this experience. Read our guide on how to build a support system here.
5. What are my expectations for parenthood?
Parenthood is a life-changing experience that brings both incredible joy and significant challenges. It’s normal to have concerns and doubts and acknowledging them is part of healthy preparation.
Consider what you expect parenthood to look like, while also being open to the realities that might unfold. Talk to other parents - what does their life look like?
If you decide to have a child with the help of a donor from a licensed sperm bank, you also need to align your expectations with reality - it’s a donation, not a relation, and the donor will not play a part in your child’s upbringing.
6. Life will change significantly – am I OK with that?
Your life will undoubtedly transform once you become a parent, and embracing these changes is part of the journey. While some adjustments may feel overwhelming, many are deeply fulfilling. Parenthood is an opportunity to grow, to find strength you didn’t know you had, and to experience joy in new and unexpected ways.
Change can be intimidating, but it’s also where resilience and growth thrive. You’re not alone in this, and many resources are available to guide and support you through this exciting transition.
Trust your instincts
These questions can be good guiding posts while you are still considering whether solo motherhood is the right choice for you. But, how you make the decision is a personal journey and, in the end, you must trust your instincts.
If you want to become a solo mum by choice, we are here to help you throughout your journey. You can start by reading our guide on how to become a solo mum.
