Laura and Eva went abroad to start a family
French couple Laura and Eva went to another country to get fertility treatment with donor sperm. Their journey was filled with ups and downs – and many logistical challenges. This blog post takes a closer look at the process of getting fertility treatment abroad.
Anne Petersen
The soft sounds of a sleepy baby fill the background as Eva tells her family story from her home in Paris. Her son Ouriel is laying in her arms resting. It is only eight weeks ago since Eva and her partner Laura welcomed their second son. But the journey of becoming a family of four hasn’t always been straightforward and peaceful for the couple who met in 2018. They had to go to another country to make their family dreams come true.
“From the beginning we knew, we wanted the same thing which was two kids. Both of us wanted to become pregnant,” says Eva.
The order was very clear between the two. Laura would get pregnant first and then Eva would carry the second pregnancy. But before starting a family, they wanted to get married. Unfortunately, COVID-19 postponed their wedding plans, and this gave Laura and Eva time to research how they could fulfil their family plans.
From the beginning we knew, we wanted the same thing which was two kids. Both of us wanted to become pregnant.
Which country to choose?
At the time in France, it wasn’t possible for same-sex couples to access fertility treatment. And the couple didn’t know anyone who had been through the process abroad.
“So, we were really lost,” Eva says.
Same-sex couples and single women from France usually go to Belgium or Spain when they need fertility treatment with donor sperm. But for Laura and Eva it was important to find an ID release donor – and that wasn’t a possibility in the two countries.
That fact turned their attention to Germany, the Netherlands and Denmark where it was possible to get treatment with ID release donors. Loving Berlin and having a special bond with the city, the couple decided to find a clinic in Germany for treatment.
A personal note and an audio recording
Next step on Laura and Eva’s journey was to find a donor. Through a French podcast named Bliss stories, they learned about women who had used a Danish sperm bank.
“The women in the podcast talked about personal notes from donors explaining why they wanted to be a sperm donor. This really caught our attention.”
The couple liked that they could get to know the donor through a personal note and an audio recording. That was more important than looks. The only physical trait that mattered was to find a donor with either green or blue eyes, matching the eye colours of the couple.
Read our guide on how to choose a sperm donor
Laura and Eva started searching for a donor during the last part of their honeymoon. They knew they wanted the same donor for both their children, so they started looking for a donor who was available in Germany and had enough straws for their future family. They narrowed their search down to two very different donors.
“We chose the one we felt we could be friends with,” Eva says.
We thought that if we could do everything before having a child, it would make all the logistics a lot easier.
Running out of straws
When the couple returned from their honeymoon, they started their plans of growing a family. Laura began IVF treatment and got pregnant on the first try. Once the pregnancy was confirmed, Eva went through the first part of IVF, which resulted in embryos that were frozen and prepared for her later pregnancy. All of this happened before the birth of their first son Ben.
“We thought that if we could do everything before having a child, it would make all the logistics a lot easier.”
When Ben was a year and a few months old, the family decided to start the process again so that Eva could get pregnant. But this time things didn’t go as easy, and the couple feared that they would run out of straws, as the donor wasn’t available when the couple wanted to order more straws.
“We were quite stressed to lack straws, which would make the process more complicated, but the support from European Sperm Bank was amazing.”
The couple contacted European Sperm Bank and fortunately it was possible to get extra straws from their donor, so they could continue the treatment. After a few more IVF cycles, Eva got pregnant.
Always give it 100%
The dream of becoming a family of four is now a reality, and the road to get there has become a little more distant. Looking back, the process of getting treatment abroad comes with different obstacles, the couple explains:
“You have to be very reactive. When your cycle starts, you need to make an appointment with your doctor, then you need to book a plane ticket and travel. All of these logistics of trying to run your life as if nothing is going on - when in fact a lot is going on - can be difficult.”
The couple knew that fertility treatment takes a lot of energy. The constant not knowing if it works out or not can be exhausting. That’s why they have some advice for others thinking about starting a family with the help of a sperm donor:
- If you can plan anything in advance, then do it.
- Buy the right amount of straws so you have enough for your treatment. At European Sperm Bank, we recommend purchasing 3-5 straws per child.
- Know what criteria are important to you when you choose a donor - this is an impossible choice anyway, so trust yourself.
- Try to be patient.
- Be positive!
“I heard on a podcast that someone was advising people to give it 100% every time. And I think that is very important. Keep thinking that this time it will work,” Eva concludes as she cuddles Ouriel.
Now Laura and Eva are enjoying life as a family of four in Paris with their two sons, Ben who is now 2,5 years old and eight-weeks old Ouriel. Their journey wasn’t straightforward, but it was worth it - today, they have the family they always dreamed of.