Becoming a solo mum: How to get started as a single mother

The first step in starting a family as a single mother is making the decision to do so. It sounds trite, but it's a good way of staying committed to the process. And there can be many reasons why you want to start a family on your own. For some, the decision to become a single mother is about starting a family on their own terms. It is a decision that brings its own unique joys and challenges, but also a deep sense of fulfilment and empowerment. Others choose this path because of a strong desire to become a parent or simply not wanting to wait for the 'right' partner. Whatever your reasons, it’s your choice, and you own your journey.

Once you've made the decision to become a solo mum, a new chapter begins: the process of choosing a donor.  There are several things that can influence which donor is right for you, and to avoid the process becoming too overwhelming, it's a good idea to select 2-3 criteria to narrow down the field of donors - and trust your gut. But what are the criteria you can use to evaluate donors? Let's take a quick look:

When choosing a donor through a sperm bank, you will need to decide whether you want an ID release donor or a No ID release donor, if your country allows both. With an ID release donor, your child will have the chance to learn about their donor's identity when they reach legal age - all other information about the donor is the same regardless of the type. This is an important consideration that should be made in line with your personal preferences and the laws of your country of treatment.

For some, it is important to have a donor who looks like you. For others, it doesn't matter. If it matters to you, it is possible to see baby pictures of the donor. Some donors also have hand-drawn portraits so you can get an idea of what they look like as an adult. This can make it easier to find a donor with the look you're looking for. You can also consider using tools such as Photo Match if you want the donor to look like you.

Another criterion you can use to select a donor is their personality. A description of the donor's interests, views on life and personality type will give you an overview of who the donor is as a person and can help you get the right gut feeling when choosing a donor that's right for you and your family.

This criterion is primarily for you if you know there is a disease in your own family. All donors at European Sperm Bank are healthy and they go through rigorous medical and genetic screening. Actually only 5-7% of the candidates pass the screenings and become donors. However, we all carry genetic disorders, and if you know a disease runs in your family, it may be a good idea to choose a donor with no family history of the specific disease.

You can read more about all the features that are included in our donor profiles here.

Life as a solo mum is different from life in a two-parent family in several ways. One of them is the financial aspect, so it's a good idea to start thinking about this. Start by getting an overview of the costs of fertility treatment. In some countries, it may be possible to get help covering the cost of fertility treatment. Once the baby is born, it's also worth looking into the possibilities of getting financial support as a solo mum. However, financial help can't do it alone, so if you've been thinking about life as a solo mum, it's a good idea to start putting money aside so you have a buffer when your baby arrives. You can get even more tips in our guide on how to financially prepare for solo motherhood.

Getting started as a single mother can sometimes feel isolating, but it doesn't have to be. It is important to surround yourself with a strong support system. Reach out to trusted friends and family, and don't hesitate to join local or online solo mum and donor family communities. This can be a great opportunity to share experiences and learn from others who understand your situation.

Solo motherhood is an ongoing journey that doesn’t end with pregnancy or birth. As your child grows, so will your role as a solo mum. One of the important considerations for the future is how and when to tell your child that it is donor-conceived. You can get guidance on having these conversations early and naturally, in ways that align with your child’s age and understanding. 

Another aspect of the future is whether you plan to expand your family later on. If this is the case, it’s worth considering reserving additional sperm straws from your donor for future siblings.

We hope this blog post has provided you with some of the aspects of becoming a solo mum. If you’re ready to take the first step, you can book a fertility consultation with one of our advisors and begin your journey today. We are more than happy to help. And if you are interested in knowing more about the process of entering solo motherhood you can find  more information in our Solo mum guide.